Tractors

[orabanda]

Paddy is passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.

Buttocks clenched he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right welly, followed by the left.
 
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .
Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap on to a pile of hay.
 
'What on earth are you doing Mick' says Paddy
 
 'Jeez Paddy, ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me'  says an obviously embarrassed Mick, 'but me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the Therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor . "

[Brian]

Good one Richard, here's another.


Theres a fellow who is an avid rider. Actually hes a motorcycle fanatic.

He has not missed a weekend of motorcycle riding in years.

Every Saturday and Sunday morning he gets up very early and goes to meet his buddies for a nice long ride.

On this one morning, he gets up early, gets dressed, gets his riding gear out of the closet and goes out to the garage to prepare to leave.

While out there it started raining a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind is blowing at 30 mph. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the Weather Channel. From there he finds its going to be bad weather all day long. So he puts his bike back into the garage and comes back inside. He quietly undresses and slips back into bed where he cuddles up to his wifes back, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible."

To which she replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out riding his bike today?"

[orabanda]

Chuckle, chuckle!!
Then there is the one about relationships:

My dear wife,
 
You will surely understand that  I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy.  I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.  Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.  Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.
 
 
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
 
 
My dear husband
 
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old.  I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.  As you know, I am a math?s teacher at our local college.  I would also like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach.  he is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.  As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math?s, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.  Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.